He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
