Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
