Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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