I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well I just put wine in my tea
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
