I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
