Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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