Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
