So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
