Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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