if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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