I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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