Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
