so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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