i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
try to milk me bitch
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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