We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
