I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
