Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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