Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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