they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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