Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
