We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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