at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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