Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
