those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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