YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
