Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
