So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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