I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just tell him i said nine months
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My balls are so social today.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
