i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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