You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
