Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
