So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
