Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
