Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
