I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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