So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
