hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
