Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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