4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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