There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
