I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
