No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
