oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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