Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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