i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
