I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
