If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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