don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
