her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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