STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
