Heybabeimwearingurpanties
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
