if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
