the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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