I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
