You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So vagazzling was a success
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