We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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