I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
