Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
